Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
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Everyone is a reader.... Some just haven't found their book yet.
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My only hobby is laziness, which naturally rules out all others.
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Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
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I'm not addicted to reading. I can quit as soon as I finish the next chapter.
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You'll never find a rainbow if you're staring at your feet.
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Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety, a love for alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid people. But not lemons.
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Never try to destroy someone else's life with a lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth.
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Adventures are for the adventurous.
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We'll be friends until we're old and senile, then we'll be new friends.
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My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
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If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.
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Beware the hobby that eats.
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Sometimes when you think the storm is coming to rain on your parade, it's actually there to water your garden.
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Seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer.
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My alarm tells me you're in my house. My gun tells me not for long.
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Don't lend money to friends -- it causes amnesia.
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Counting other people's sins does not make you a saint.
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Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.
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Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
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