WOODY ALLEN QUOTES

American actor, director & screenwriter (1935- )

Woody Allen quote

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

WOODY ALLEN, attributed, Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)

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Tags: sex


Over the years you get to see what a struggle life is for most people, how tough it is, how easy it is to be judgmental and criticise and stand outside of situations and impart your wisdom and judgment. But over the decades I've got more tolerant of people's flaws and mistakes. Everybody makes a lot of them. When you're younger you feel: "Hey, this person is evil" or "This person is a jerk" or stupid or "What's wrong with them?" Then you go through life and you think: "Well, it's not so easy." There's a lot of mystery and suffering and complication. Everybody's out there trying to do the best they can. And it's not such an easy business.

WOODY ALLEN, The Guardian, Sep. 26, 2013

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Tags: life


It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

WOODY ALLEN, Death: A Comedy in One Act

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Tags: death


Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

WOODY ALLEN, Hollywood Ending

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Tags: sex


I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

WOODY ALLEN, Standup Comic

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Tags: soul


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

WOODY ALLEN, attributed, On Being Funny

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Tags: immortality


Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

WOODY ALLEN, My Philosophy

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Tags: God


My brain: it's my second favorite organ.

WOODY ALLEN, Sleeper

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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.

WOODY ALLEN, interview, The Paris Review, fall 1995

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Tags: humor


I'm not a drinker -- my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

WOODY ALLEN, Standup Comic

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Tags: alcoholism


I've never felt Truth was Beauty. Never. I've always felt that people can't take too much reality. I like being in Ingmar Bergman's world. Or in Louis Armstrong's world. Or in the world of the New York Knicks. Because it's not this world. You spend your whole life searching for a way out. You just get an overdose of reality, you know, and it's a terrible thing. I'm always fighting against reality.

WOODY ALLEN, attributed, Show and Tell: New Yorker Profiles

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Tags: reality


All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.

WOODY ALLEN, Deconstructing Harry

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Tags: truth


A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

WOODY ALLEN, Annie Hall

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Tags: relationships


Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!

WOODY ALLEN, What's New, Pussycat?

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Tags: marriage


The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But ... but ... think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.

WOODY ALLEN, Love and Death

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Tags: death


I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

WOODY ALLEN, Getting Even

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I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

WOODY ALLEN, Manhattan Murder Mystery

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Tags: music


Men would make love with any number of women ... even total strangers, while females were selective. They were catering to the demands of one small egg. While males had millions of frantic sperms screaming: "Let us out, let us out!"

WOODY ALLEN, Husbands and Wives

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Tags: men


Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

WOODY ALLEN, New York Times, Dec. 1, 1975

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Tags: love, sex


Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.

WOODY ALLEN, My Philosophy

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Tags: universe