I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.
STEVEN WRIGHT, attributed, Grin & Share It!: More Laugh Lines for Educators
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, 'Have you got anything I'd like?' Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, 'Extra medium.'
STEVEN WRIGHT, attributed, The Biteback Dictionary of Humorous Business Quotations
A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.
STEVEN WRIGHT, stand-up routine
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
STEVEN WRIGHT, stand-up routine
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
