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Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.
P.J. O'ROURKE, The Bachelor Home Companion
Golf ... combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
P.J. O'ROURKE, Modern Manners
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then get elected and prove it.
P.J. O'ROURKE, Holidays in Hell
The principal feature of American liberalism is sanctimoniousness. By loudly denouncing all bad things—war and hunger and date rape—liberals testify to their own terrific goodness. More important, they promote themselves to membership in a self-selecting elite of those who care deeply about such things.... It's a kind of natural aristocracy, and the wonderful thing about this aristocracy is that you don't have to be brave, smart, strong or even lucky to join it, you just have to be liberal.
P.J. O'ROURKE, Give War a Chance
One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
P.J. O'ROURKE, Rolling Stone, Nov. 1989
There is parody, when you make fun of people who are smarter than you; satire, when you make fun of people who are richer than you; and burlesque, when you make fun of both while taking your clothes off.
P.J. O'ROURKE, Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut
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