The British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier to remember, whenever they brush their teeth.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Jan. 9, 2012
Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It's doesn't lead anywhere. No one in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.
CONAN O'BRIEN, The Tonight Show, Jan. 22, 2010
Today President Obama is visiting the hometown of House Speaker John Boehner. Obama plans to give a speech and then visit the tanning bed that Boehner grew up in.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Sep. 22, 2011
The oil industry says that if they are allowed to drill more, they can create a million jobs. Of course, most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off of ducks.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Sep. 7, 2011
There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Dec. 7, 2011
Toyota's getting a lot of attention. Yeah, Toyota has unveiled a new state of the art design for a car of the future. Yeah. The car is so advanced that when it's recalled it can actually drive itself back to the Toyota dealer.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Nov. 29, 2011
According to a recent survey, kids are receiving an average of 40 cents less from the tooth fairy. That’s right, the economy is so bad that even make-believe people are feeling the pinch.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Jul. 28, 2011
There’s a new social network just for senior citizens. Actually, we’re just sending them to MySpace and telling them it’s new.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Jul. 21, 2011
Several Fox News hosts criticized “Spongebob Squarepants” for pushing a global warming agenda. Then things got really ugly when they demanded to see “Dora the Explorer’s” immigration papers.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Aug. 4, 2011
The reading scores on the SATs have reached an all time low. Or, as the headline put it, “SATs Be Most Baddest.”
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Sep. 21, 2011
NASCAR is trying some new initiatives to go green, including planting trees and using ethanol fuel. Most controversial is the idea of having NASCAR drivers carpool in the race.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Sep. 15, 2011
A woman gave birth on an airplane. The airline said that the woman and her new $40 carry-on are doing just fine.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Sep. 20, 2011
The tea party is forming its own debt super committee that will meet this week at a Florida Denny’s. You do not want to be the waiter that adds the tax to their check.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Sep. 21, 2011
The White House sent Vice President Joe Biden to China today. So now we owe them a trillion dollars AND an apology.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Aug. 16, 2011
The New York Mets are planning to move the walls of Citi Field in order to increase the number of homeruns they hit. Call me old fashioned but isn't that what steroids are for?
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Nov. 2, 2011
The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Sep. 13, 2011
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