Next to meeting somebody who admires someone we admire, we all like to meet somebody who hates someone we hate.

There is only one time in his life when the average man can make both ends meet. And that is when he is a baby and can take his foot in his mouth.

Beauty, of course, is an asset. But the girls who have greenbacks don't have to worry over not having pink faces.

It does seem paradoxical. But when a woman has curves we always want her 'round.

When you start looking for some politician's footprints on the sands of time, steer for the mudholes first.

A chip in the pot is worth two on the shoulder.

Even the most staid and respectable husband likes for his wife to think he is a devil among the women.

Oft in the stilly night, certain back fence melodies convince us that old Noah made a grave mistake when he let more than one cat in the ark.

Some women are born beautiful, others achieve beauty, and still others are on good terms with the society editors.

Life isn't all holding four aces. When Old Sister Fate deals you a king, a tenspot, a trey and a couple of miserable deuces, grin and draw three cards. You never know what you'll come up with.

Where there's a will, there's a lawyer.

Another little phase of everyday life that might be amusing if it were not so pathetic is the pious way some old skinflint whose specialty is foreclosing widows' mortgages can act in church.

Once upon a time there was a politician who made an especially conspicuous ass of himself and didn't say the newspapers misquoted him.

Accepting the theory that the monkey is man's ancestor, one is inclined to infer that woman, judging by the number and length of her hatpins, is a lineal descendant of the porcupine.

A woman is rarely up to date on the subject of her age.

When a woman gets over 35 she is generally willing to embark on the sea of matrimony with almost any life-buoy.

The only trouble about common sense is that it isn't common.

A woman calls it giving you a piece of her mind, but our experience has been that she generally winds up by giving you the whole dad-burned thing.

A good many family trees are shady.

At the present rate, there isn't going to be much left of the earth for the meek to inherit.

What this old world needs is more bouquets handed around to folks when they are alive and kicking. Flowers don't do a dead one much good.

All the world's a stage, and it's a dead easy guess which sex has all the speaking parts.

Many a man gets a big reputation for Virtue and Morality, when if the truth were known, the poor boob was simply scared of getting caught.

There may be no fool like an old fool, but our observation has been that the young fool runs him a pretty close second.

It's all right to sympathize with the under dog. But first be sure he didn't start the scrap.

Opportunity doesn't know half as often as importunity.

Sometimes we sit and wonder in our idle way what in the mischief Eve did when the cold weather came.

As we understand it, the surest way to make a living by the pen is to raise pigs.

Pig-headed stubbornness is the perseverence of somebody we don't like.

How do those who contend that woman is the intellectual inferior of man account for the fact that she can give a man a piece of her mind 365 days in the year and still have a huge reserve supply?

Maybe marriages were made in heaven, but we believe in giving the old-fashioned porch-swing some credit.

Peace is priceless, but not at any price.

You may not have very much sense. But if you have enough to keep your mouth shut and look wise, it will not be long before you acquire a wide reputation as a fountain of Wisdom.

When a man has been married a few years, he realizes that the best bet is to apologize humbly to her, whether he did it or not.

Absence doesn't make the heart grow half as fond as presents.

Before they are married, he tells her that he sleeps like a log. But later she finds that he meant a log going through a saw-mill.

When money talks, nobody cares what kind of grammar it uses.

A man who is as honest as the day is long often needs watching at night.

A whole lot of self-made men certainly are bum architects.

It seems paradoxical, but a blunt man usually comes to the point.

Diamonds are trumps in the game of hearts.

What a splendid thing it would be if when we lose our tempers we couldn't find 'em again!