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JIMMY FALLON QUOTES II

Jimmy Fallon quote

A new study found that students who are taught abstinence end up with better math scores. Of course, if you join the math team, the abstinence takes care of itself.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Feb. 10, 2012

President Obama is calling on Iran to give its citizens better access to the Internet. Right now they only have one social networking site: "Cover-Your-Face Book."

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Mar. 21, 2012

Yesterday on CNN, White House adviser David Plouffe referred to the Republican presidential race as a "clown show." That's as rough as it gets on CNN. Romney, Santorum, Paul, and Gingrich all called the statement ridiculous and then piled into one tiny car and drove off.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Mar. 26, 2012

A new study found that most people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, May 8, 2012

This week a solar-powered plane attempted to fly more than 1,500 miles. It was going great until the plane encountered one technical problem — night.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, May 28, 2012

Hooters is offering customers 10 free chicken wings on Mother’s Day. And 45 REALLY uncomfortable minutes with your mom.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, May 11, 2012

The Yankees have blown a 10-game lead in the standings, and are now tied for first place. You can tell they're depressed. Today, five of their players tested positive for Häagen-Dazs.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Sep. 5, 2012

Mattel just unveiled a new Barbie that is being referred to as the Drag Queen Barbie. Confused child sold separately.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Aug. 21, 2012

Today is National Fortune Cookie Day. I was going to celebrate, but only the proud man makes a spectacle of that which is best left unspoken.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Sep. 13, 2012

Researchers in Canada say they have discovered the part of the brain that is used to make decisions, and this is weird: If you're married, it's actually located in your wife's brain.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Nov. 26, 2013

Last week, a hunter in Kansas shot his friend twice because he mistakenly thought he was a turkey. After the first shot, the guy said he wasn't a turkey. But, come on, that's exactly what a turkey would have said.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, May 1, 2012

Halloween is tomorrow. A group of wine experts has actually come up with a list of the best wines to pair with Halloween candy. They say, "White wine goes great with Skittles, red wine goes great with Twix, and ... we're alcoholics, aren't we?"

JIMMY FALLON, The Tonight Show, Oct. 30, 2014

This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world’s oldest newlyweds. They’re registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Mar. 2, 2012

This morning President Trump actually went on Twitter to criticize Nordstrom for dropping his daughter Ivanka's line and treating her unfairly. While Trump's tweeting about a department store, a lot of people are wondering what the return policy is for presidents.

JIMMY FALLON, The Tonight Show, February 8, 2017

It seems like every day Trump's upset about something else. And I guess now -- this is real -- he is complaining that the hand towels on Air Force One are not soft enough. Then the flight attendant said, "Sir, that's my skirt."

JIMMY FALLON, The Tonight Show, February 8, 2017

It's spring break! Just remember, the partying lasts a week, but the photos will cost you jobs forever.

JIMMY FALLON, The Tonight Show, March 15, 2018

A man broke a Guinness world record by walking barefoot on a 120-foot path of loose Legos. This beats the old record set by every dad getting up to use the bathroom at night.

JIMMY FALLON, The Tonight Show, January 25, 2018

Researchers just unveiled a robot that can play Scrabble. It's pretty realistic. It even gets bored halfway through and stops playing.

JIMMY FALLON, The Tonight Show, March 12, 2018

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world’s lamest Ghostbuster. I am not afraid of no leaves.

JIMMY FALLON, The Tonight Show

A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.

JIMMY FALLON, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Feb. 1, 2012


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