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My hair is always at its best in New York. I don't know what's in the water. It could be mousse.
ELLEN DEGENERES, TV Guide, Nov. 21-27, 2005
If we don't want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we're stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.
ELLEN DEGENERES, My Point ... And I Do Have One
I believe everything in life is energy. If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.
ELLEN DEGENERES, Good Housekeeping, Oct. 2011
This technology is hurting us, I say. I blame the microwave for most of our problems. Anything that gets that hot without fire, that's from the devil. You don't believe me, you put a hot pocket in there for three or four minutes, pop that thing in your mouth, if that's not hell, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what is.
ELLEN DEGENERES, Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.
ELLEN DEGENERES, attributed, Age Happens: The Best Quotes & Cartoons about Growing Older
There's lotion for your face, for your hands, for your feet, for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? Each kind has something special in it -- aloe, shea butter, coconut, cocoa butter, vanilla, lemon extract. That's not lotion. That's one ingredient short of a Bundt cake.
ELLEN DEGENERES, Good Housekeeping, Oct. 2011
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
ELLEN DEGENERES, attributed, Women Know Everything!
Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden you say to yourself, 'Life in the Fast Lane?' That's what they're saying right there? You think, 'why have I been singing 'wipe in the Vaseline?' how many people have heard me sing 'wipe in the Vaseline?' I am an idiot.
ELLEN DEGENERES, My Point ... And I Do Have One
My advice: Procrastinate now. Don't put it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES, attributed, The Stand-up Comedy Festival: Send in the Clowns
Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don't think we hurt anyone else's marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they're fine.
ELLEN DEGENERES, "Ellen's Brief to the Supreme Court", February 28, 2013
I'm glad I'm funny. I'm glad I make people happy, because that's very important. But I'm proud to be known as a kind person. You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet. I think that's where bullying comes from. I mean, I grew up watching Dick Van Dyke and Lucille Ball, and they were nothing but sweet and funny. It wasn't "negative comment, negative comment, laugh track." So I'm really proud I'm not adding to the negativity. I'm proud that for the hour my show is on television, I'm not being mean, and I'm hopefully helping one other person go, I'm going to be kind. Because then it all just kind of spreads, and the world is a little nicer out there.
ELLEN DEGENERES, Good Housekeeping, Oct. 2011
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