American author (1842-1914)
FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
AMBIDEXTROUS, adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
The question of human immortality is the most momentous that the mind is capable of conceiving. If it is a fact that the dead live all other facts are in comparison trivial and without interest. The prospect of obtaining certain knowledge with regard to this stupendous matter is not encouraging. In all countries but those in barbarism the powers of the profoundest and most penetrating intelligences have been ceaselessly addressed to the task of glimpsing a life beyond this life; yet today no one can truly say that he knows. It is as much a matter of faith as ever it was.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
SAINT, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
A cheap and easy cynicism rails at everything. The master of the art accomplishes the formidable task of discrimination.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"The Moonlit Road"
BATTLE, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
In the last analysis, ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary