A new poll shows only 3 percent strongly approve of the job Congress is doing, with a margin of error of 4 percent, so it’s possible that "less than no one" thinks they’re doing a good job.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Oct. 6, 2011
Researchers found a frog in new guinea that is so tiny, they believe it's the smallest vertebrate on the planet. It has the tiniest backbone of any living creature, except members of Congress.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Jan. 12, 2012
Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show
According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top 1 percent.
JAY LENO, Tonight Show, Oct. 27, 2011
Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show
Here's an uplifting story. Congratulations to the Little League team from Huntington Beach, California. Yeah, they beat Japan to win the Little League World Series. That's pretty good. See, that proves that when math and science aren't involved, our kids can beat anybody.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Aug. 29, 2011
Britney Spears told an interviewer if she weren't famous, she would be a teacher. So thank God she's famous.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Aug. 29, 2011
According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan?
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Jan. 4, 2012
The entire spring and summer line from Marc Jacobs was stolen on the way to the fashion show in Paris. The thief is considered armed and fabulous.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Nov. 17, 2011
Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver’s mind. I already know what I’m going to do. I want a car that will read the other guy’s mind.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Sep. 29, 2011
There are now more obese people in the United States than there are overweight people. I think it's safe to say that after all these years, Diet Coke is a complete failure.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Jan. 12, 2012
The good news is, the stock market is closed and it can’t hurt us again until tomorrow.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Aug. 8, 2011
A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Sep. 26, 2011
The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you’re like me and you want like to eat healthy, get your stick of butter baked.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Aug. 11, 2011
The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Sep. 7, 2011
Scientists say that Texas and Antarctica were connected at one time. In fact, early Mexicans used to go through Texas to try to sneak into Antarctica.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Aug. 30, 2011
According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Sep. 6, 2011
Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would consider eliminating the Department of Education because “the states could do a gooder job.”
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Sep. 7, 2011
British scientists say they have developed a super broccoli that can help fight heart disease. You know, if you want to fight heart disease, why don't you come up with a food people will actually eat? Like a super glazed doughnut.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Oct. 31, 2011
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items — like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Oct. 4, 2011
China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that’s only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that’s not going to happen.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Oct. 7, 2011
There are 249 millionaires in Congress. Remember a couple of years ago when this new Congress told us they had the solution to the recession? Apparently, they didn't share it with the rest of us.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Nov. 18, 2011
Denmark is charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil. Here, we call that the Denny's Grand Slam breakfast.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Oct. 4, 2011
An intruder broke into Mike Tyson's hotel room in Las Vegas while he was sleeping but got out before Tyson could get to him. I don't know what's scarier. Having someone breaking into your room while you're sleeping or breaking into someone else's room and finding out the guy is Mike Tyson.
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Jan. 9, 2012
A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann said, "I didn't even know the guy was Jewish."
JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Oct. 25, 2011
